Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behaviour which allows one person to have power and control over another person through the use of fear and intimidation.

The abuser can be your husband or partner, your ex-husband or ex-partner, any family member, or anyone who is living or has lived in your house.

95% of abuse is perpetrated by men on women (which is why we tend to speak of the abuser as "he"), but abuse also happens in same-sex relationships, and women are capable of abusing men. However, in this case (women abusing men) the dynamics are different and the abuse cannot be compared equally to men's abuse of women.

If women use physical violence, it is usually in self-defense. Women who in desperation kill their abusive husbands, receive harsher sentences than men who kill their wives/partners. Men who complain that they are abused by their wife/partner, are likely to be told to go home and "discipline" her. Women who complain are likely to be told to go home and give him another chance.

The pattern of abuse can progress very slowly, making it hard to recognize in the early stages. Abusers use different tactics of control at different times, forming a distinct pattern that is very effective in establishing and maintaining control over the victim.

• People think that only uneducated, working class women are abused.
  

• People think that drink and drugs cause abuse.
  

• People think that stress causes domestic violence.
   
• People think that women who are abused ask for it or provoke it in some way.
   
• People think that women enjoy being abused.
   
• People think that women who are abused are a bit mad.
   
• People think that if you were abused as a child, then you will become an abuser when you are an adult.
  

THESE ARE NOT TRUE.

The effects of domestic violence on victims are far-reaching and can emerge in many different ways. Awareness of these effects will not only help you better understand a woman's experience, but will help you better identify women who are being abused.

Many women who are being abused either don't know who to turn to or have had bad experiences when they've reached out for help. Your willingness to help can be important to a victim in her safety planning efforts. But while being willing and well-intentioned is good, being prepared to offer the kind of help these women need is even better.